i turned 23 last saturday, & it's officially the first time i finally don't feel like a kid. there's something about saying "i'm 23" that makes me feel like i'm halfway to 85. before getting busy, i used to post on here the lessons i learned throughout the year, & i am here to fulfill that again. 21 & 22 were the hardest years of my life, to the point that i believe that 23 will be the year that heals all the parts of me that i had lost throughout the last few years. below are the 10 things i learned these past 365 days. i am INCREDIBLY grateful to have made it to 23 & that God woke me up 365 times this year. take what you need & thank you for reading & being here:)

10 things i learned in 23 years:

1. don't give up. you can cuss the whole time, just don't give up

during ccbt (usma prep school), we had a crucible on the last day. i was HUMILIATINGLY humbled on a ruck up to the radio tower, which if you have been to west point or attended, you know it's SO steep & long. going up this MOUNTAIN took every inch of my will & i genuinely said "f-- this", "what the f--- am i doing with my life?!", & "this is the be best f---ing decision i could've possibly made?" about a trillion times until i to the radio tower.

now that i'm older, and my vocabulary has expanded, the way i deal with doing hard things is different, but the principle still stands: do what you need to do to get through it. so far, it's been working. life will always have a radio tower ruck, sometimes it shows itself in another ruck, like the one up bull hill, or when you don't know if you should restart your life again for the third time. there will always be something hard, do what it takes to make it YOURS.

2. i'm chalant as hell

i care so much & i wish i didn't spend any ounce of my life not carrying. i don't really understand where the notion of not caring about things became cool, but it's so lame to me. caring about your hobbies, the people around you, your work, & the influence you have is the coolest thing you could possibly do for yourself & for others! I've tried not to care, but if i didn't care, i wouldn't be me, & BEING CHALANT IS COOL!

3. a girl who wants to do BIG things cannot let SMALL things get to her.

in the same breath of "i really care about everything", i also care to a slight fault: i care what people think. i let A LOT of things get to me; i let small things get me in a bad mood; i let small things get me to be mean to myself & others; & i small let things get me to the point of disbelief in my capabilities. people have been asking me if i am going to change my @stefftheyuk username to @steffthecow since i will be a 2nd class cadet, also known as a "cow" at usma, & tbh, the answer is yes. i have SOOOO many things i want to do in this life, & if i let the small thing that some random firstie girl said about me during cft get to me, people making "steff the cow" derogatory or mean, or the 68% i got on my first econ WPR get to me, i would allow it to define me and make me into a loser. i'm not a loser & neither are you. you have big things to accomplish, and small things have NO POWER over you

4. wear sunscreen

i don't know who needs to hear this, but please wear sunscreen. you are not stronger than the sun & its UV rays, so just put some on. AND PUT IT ON YOUR FACE, NECK, THE BACK OF YOUR NECK, & YOUR HANDS. i beg of you, PLEASE wear sunscreen!

5. until it's my turn, i will keep clapping for others

other people's successes do not limit yours. in econ, we learn about the rivalry v. excludability matrix: private good; club good; common resource; & public good. this matrix splits good into a matrix answer two questions:

Rivalrous? → Does one person’s use reduce availability for others?

Excludable? → Can people be prevented from using it?

in my opinion, clapping for others is a public good. why?

• Non-rivalrous → Complimenting one person doesn’t stop you from complimenting someone else. No scarcity.

• Non-excludable (mostly) → You can technically choose who to compliment, but the idea of kindness/positivity isn’t something you can really restrict in a meaningful economic sense; anyone can “consume” it.

  

in simpler terms, being happy for someone does not keep you from succeeding. it is REALLY hard to be genuinely happy for someone, especially when they earned or received what you've always wanted, but this is a trap. your time is coming, & you can choose what to do with this time...choose to clap

6. to run for leisure is a privilege & a pleasure

   not too long ago, i hated running with my entire being, but it was until tik tok FLOODED my FYP with videos of people running marathons with disabilities or missing limbs. some people don't have the opportunity to move their body the way most of can, & this changed my entire perspective on my relationship with running and working out. the best way i found to show my gratitude for the healthy body God gave me is to simply move it.

7. find delight in pushing your rock uphill

Sisyphus was a king in Greek mythology who was known for being clever… and for constantly trying to cheat death.

The gods got fed up with him, so they gave him a punishment in the underworld:

And he had to do this forever.

yes, sometimes the work you do seems SOOOO pointless & useless, but find joy in doing it because someday you'll get to the top of the mountain with your rock, & you'll be stronger than you would've been if you had rolled up your rock the first time.

8. God will either lighten your load or strengthen your back

22 has been such a testament for this! I kept BEGGING God to give me the strength to do things & that strength didn't come in the form of a sudden magical burst of superhuman strength, but in a consistent and timely effort of building the strength through the challenges he presented me. other times when i would pray to have the strength to do something, he lightened my load; He took away the things i loved but did not have the strength to leave even though he was literally killing me. He is listening & He will guide you; there IS a plan.

9. the world has ended for me MANY times & the sun still came up the next day

my life has felt like it had ended SO many times in my life, but especially at 22. there have been days where i had hid in bed, under a mountain of blankets, in the dark, with my friends just standing on my bedside out of GENUINE CONCERN. even in the moments when i didn't know what i was going to do, the day ended & the sun still came up the next morning like it always does. when i think my life is over, i think about all the times i thought it was going to be over growing up, and all of a sudden i'm 17 again & i'm getting dumped for the millionth time by the same boy a week before prom or i'm 20 years old being told i didn't get into west point & i had to go to the prep school for an additional year as a sophomore in college. regardless of how many times my world has come CRUMBLING down, i just wake up the next day & try again...like what else would you do?

9. 

10. the only way out is through

    last semester, i got a brigade board for frat (taking my teammate who's a plebe to breakfast) & for selling gameday buttons (lol). for those who are not familiar, a brigade board is one of the highest forms of punishment at West Point; a one-on-one conversation between you & the brigade tactical officer (bto) about ALL the ways you did not meet the standard...genuinely one of the most humbling moments of my life. before the board, i would get teams messages from my tac officer with information & one day i was sitting in my history class, in completely disbelief that i had found myself in a WORLD of trouble, and all i responded to my tac with was "only way out is through". while i did mean it in an EXTREMELY sarcastic way, i also did mean it. the only out of this situation i got myself in is to stand there during my board, take the heat, walk my hours, lose my privileges, and make it out on the other end. in my adult life, especially at west point, i have believed in this saying, whether it's for a brigade board, or a more universally experienced moment like trying to get to the weekend, knowing you have the busiest week ever. suffering will eventually end, & you will get to the other end of it. just know, the only way to get to better days is getting through the REALLY crappy ones first.

with all my love,

♡steff